Quotes Quotes Quotes

Lying back and relaxing for so many days, I decided I will atleast put up some quotes...


New York's a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to bed.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

``But you said they were like a couple of love-birds.''
``Quite. But even with love-birds circumstances can arise which will cause the female love-bird to get above herself and start throwing her weight about.''


He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.

It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn't.

He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.

`Do you know,' said a thoughtful Bean, `I'll bet that if all the girls Freddie Widgeon has loved and lost were placed end to end - not that I suppose one could do it - they would reach halfway down Piccadilly.'
`Further than that,' said the Egg. `Some of them were pretty tall.'

When two strong men stand face to face, each claiming to be Major Brabazon-Plank, it is inevitable that there will be a sense of strain, resulting in a momentary silence.

The more I see of women, the more I think there ought to be a law. Something has got to be done about this sex, or the whole fabric of Society will collapse, and then what silly asses we shall all look.

Behind every poor, innocent, harmless blighter who is going down for the third time in the soup, you will find, if you look carefully enough, the aunt who shoved him into it.
My Aunt Dahlia has a carrying voice... If all other sources of income failed, she could make a good living calling the cattle home across the Sands of Dee.
He tottered blindly towards the bar like a camel making for an oasis after a hard day at the office.
If he had a mind, there was something on it.

If you were a millionaire, would you rather be stabbed in the back with a paperknife or found dead without a mark on you, staring with blank eyes at some appalling sight?
Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump.
Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man?
They only unsettle him.
Unlike the male codfish which, suddenly finding itself the parent of three million five hundred thousand little codfish, cheerfully resolves to love them all, the British aristocracy is apt to look with a somewhat jaundiced eye on its younger sons.

I shot out of my chair as if somebody had shoved a bradawl through the seat.


...its proprietor leaped in his chair with a wordless cry like that of a sleeping cat on whose tail some careless number-eleven shoe has descended.

The steward was a man in the middle forties, and time had robbed him of practically all his hair, giving him in niggardly exchange a pink pimple on the side of his nose.

The rule by which he had always lived was that the best would have to do until something better came along.

The land of rising sun

"When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor." Words in a car rental brochure in Tokyo.

Thats Japan for you. With very little English existing in the country, the very few translations in English bring back the good memories of language the master PG Wodehouse uses in his works.

With no updates for the last three months, finally I wriggled out some time to post something after going through many Wodehouse like experiences in the land of rising sun. Yes, I had to pack and toodle off to Tokyo for another assignment. Everytime I come to this country, it just drives me into a frenzy thinking of all the situations Wooster always found himself in.

Just the other day, in February, I was trying to figure out an AC control panel and this Japanese engineer working with me tells me pointing at some switches on the panel - "This switch - control outside Air temperature. ". It is much to say that there was a dead silence. There could never be that in any room in which a Japanese was eating noodles (Shhhlllrruuppp). It was snowing outside and was very cold, so I decided to make it a bit warm and comfortable outside. I turned up the AC. The company will be footing one heck of an electricity bill this winter. Spring has arrived. It took 12 days for the AC to get the outside temperature back to level where it makes a man think that god is in his place and everything is right with the world.

Once the great man said about the difference between him and Shakespeare:
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I suppose the fundamental distinction between Shakespeare and myself is one of treatment. We get our effects differently. Take the familiar farcical situation of the man who suddenly discovers that something unpleasant is standing behind him. Here is how Shakespeare handles it (The Winter's Tale, Act 3, Scene 3).
``... Farewell!

A lullaby too rough. I never saw
The heavens so dim by day. A savage clamour!
Well may I get aboard! This is the chase:
I am gone for ever.
(Exit pursued by a bear.)''

``Touch of indigestion, Jeeves?''
``No, Sir.''
``Then why is your tummy rumbling?''
``Pardon me, Sir, the noise to which you allude does not emanate from my interior but from that of that animal that has just joined us.''
``Animal? What animal?''
``A bear, Sir. If you will turn your head, you will observe that a bear is standing in your immediate rear inspecting you in a somewhat menacing manner.''
I pivoted the loaf. The honest fellow was perfectly correct. It was a bear. And not a small bear, either. One of the large economy size. Its eye was bleak and it gnashed a tooth or two, and I could see at a g. that it was going to be difficult for me to find a formula.
``Advise me, Jeeves,'' I yipped. ``What do I do for the best?''
``I fancy it might be judicious if you were to make an exit, Sir.''
No sooner s. than d. I streaked for the horizon, closely followed across country by the dumb chum. And that, boys and girls, is how your grandfather clipped six seconds off Roger Bannister's mile.

Who can say which method is superior?
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One of the reasons, even a short story from PG Wodehouse makes for pages and pages of pure fun. Even a short meeting in India can run for hours when done in Japan. For discussing the smallest of things involved in chip design, I take hours to convince every body in the room, including the dustbins and fax machine in the room. The issue at hand seems to be so interesting to everybody that it reminds me of a quote :

His whole attitude recalled irresistibly to the mind that of some assiduous hound who will persist in laying a dead rat on the drawing-room carpet, though repeatedly apprised by word and gesture that the market for same is sluggish or even non-existent.


One of the primary reason for the meeting with Japanese taking too long is the language problem. I dont understand any Japanese and the same can be said with 50% confidence about they understanding English. They can speak broken English. They can not pronounce R and T. For R they replace it by L and T is replaced by S. One of the conversations where the Japanese did these replacements by the lack of pronouncability of T and R:

Japanese : I shink shis pash has a ploblem.
Vivek : No this pass is not yet complete. We still need to finish it. There is a long way to go and I am sure we can converge.
Japanese : Shis pash not look good.
Vivek : Well, its not yet complete.
Japanese : Shlew has a ploblem.
VIvek : Slew is under control. I can vouch for that.
Japanese : Vouch? You say vouch.
Vivek : Well I am reasonably confident.
Japanese ; Confiden?
Vivek : I think slew is not a problem.
Japanese : No?
Vivek : Yes.
Japanese : Yes? Ploblem light?
Vivek : No its not a ploblem, sorry problem.
Japanese : We need to fix is.
Vivek : But its not a problem.
Japanese : No ploblem?
Vivek : Yes no ploblem.
Japanese : Ok, when can I ges a fix?
Vivek : But slew is not a problem!!
Japanese : You say shlew not a ploblem.
Vivek : Yes
Japanese : Ok, we need fix.
Vivek : Ok. Let me explain. I think slew is not a problem and I am not going to fix it.
Japanese : I show you ploblem
Vivek : Please show me slew ploblem.

At this points he starts righting on the board "force timing false -through A/Y "

Vivek : You mean through. You were saying it as shlew and I though you were talking about slew.
Japanese : yes I say about shlew. You shink I say slew?

Hahahahahaha (Laughter ringing through the room like a train entering a tunnel, in a hurry to avoid a collision on its rearside by another Shinkansen (bullet train)).

Vivek : Shlew, I mean through can be fixed in my next attempt.
Japanese : Ok when do we fix?
Vivek : Tomorrow
Japanese : ok


Now you see, how "Exit pursued by a bear" can be turned into "No sooner s. than d. I streaked for the horizon, closely followed across country by the dumb chum. And that, boys and girls, is how your grandfather clipped six seconds off Roger Bannister's mile. "

Food is a major problem here in Japan. Mine is a refined and poetic nature. I like to be surrounded by joy and life, and I know nothing more joyless and deader than a dead fish. I am bored of eating fried chicken, so have come down to eating only salads. I am not dieting. I am not one for it. I believe in eating and exercising (when I can). Exercise could be running behind Tavish all day long. The man has said about dieting:

It has sometimes seemed to me (said Mr. Mulliner, thoughtfully sipping his scotch and lemon) that to the modern craze for dieting may be attributed all the unhappiness that is afflicting the world today....
This is what happened in the case of China and Japan. It is this that lies at the root of all the unpleasantness in the Polish corridor. And look at India. Why is there unrest in India? Because its inhabitants eat only an occasional handful of rice. The day when Mahatma Gandhi sits down to a good juicy steak and follows it up with a roly-poly pudding and a spot of stilton, you will see the end of all this nonsense of Civil Disobedience.


Japanese seem to be scared of foreigners. I can not recollect the word for that kind of phobia. Xenophobia is the word that suggests itself. I am missing my Jeeves (Roshni). They just are scared to interact with people of western origin. I being from India feel like a westerner here in Japan. The only person who ever tried to interact with me on the train was an old man. He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble. He told me, "Japanese people afraid of foreigners".

Drinking and smoking is prevalent in Japan. People drink all night in Japan. Why because they miss the last train at 12 midnight. So might as well drink all night. They go by the 7 AM train back. The first train is at 6 AM, then why by the 7AM train, you might ask. Because the 6 AM train is full of drunkards.

Thats life in Japan. There is more to it with all the good hearted people in Japan.

The only book I brought from India to give me company was "Life of Pi". It was interesting except for the gory details of food eaten by Pi. You do not find any goryness in Wodehouse. And thats why, first thing after reaching India is to buy some more of his work and start reading it. Till then some more quotes from the man:

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life, and found a dead beetle at the bottom.


The rule by which he had always lived was that the best would have to do until something better came along.


Boko Bagshott we called him. Took a girl to supper once at the Gardenia. Supper scarcely concluded when an angry old gentleman plunges into the room and starts shaking his fist in Boko's face. Boko rises with chivalrous gesture. ``Have no fear, sir. I am a man of honour. I will marry your daughter.'' ``Daughter?'' says the old gentleman, foaming a little at the mouth. ``Damn it, that's my wife.'' Took all Boko's tact to pass it off, I believe.

He then turned to the subject of the clock . . . ``My father bought it many years ago. He took it everywhere with him.'' Here . . . I might have [asked] . . . him if his parent wouldn't have found it simpler to have worn a wristwatch


Toodle-oo till next time.

Joy cometh in the mornings - Welcome.

Hi,

This is my first attempt at blogging. I read all about in one of the blog sites and thought even I could get this going. I was thinking about what to base it on, so that I could post on it regularly. And I thought of relating the "Edwardian" characters (PGW created these) and situations to our own lives.

I dont know if the name of PG Wodehouse is familiar to you, and if you were told about his rather remarkable style of writing. If not, you can visit the website PG Wodehouse Society and read for yourself.

Just when I was creating this blog, I was chatting with my brother-in-law, Rajesh Nair, telling about the blog idea, and how I want to write the close relations of our situations/conversations/quotes with those found in the PGW books, it happened. The conversation went something like this (not exactly like this, this my attempt at reproducing the situation and of course it was missing the punctuations without which English is a funnny language):

Vivek : Why dont you also start blogging!
Rajesh : Good idea, I need to think something as a theme.
Vivek : Ya choose one that you can write regularly and can share with most of the world.
Rajesh : Yes.
Rajesh : Like what, I dont know.
Vivek : Yes, you can write about things you dont know, regularly - for a long time - and most of the world will relate to it. :)
Rajesh: What?
Vivek : What What?
Rajesh : I meant "Theme! Like what?I dont seem to be able to think of a theme"
Vivek : Oh!

Now thats a sort of discussion you do not want to be getting into with your brother-in-laws who have had a bad weekend. Rajesh had a little accident this weekend and cracked one his toes. I mean not that he was over enjoying himself in Ganpathy Phule (beach, western India), just that he slipped in the bathroom in a hotel near Ganpathy Phule. Wonder how "slipped in the bathroom " is such a common accident. It sounds reasonablish kind of thing to happen to a person who is walking on a wet floor. Whats the probability of you walking on wet floors in bathrooms? 50%? It will be wet/dry. What the probabilty of you slipping? 50%? You will/wont. There were 25% chances of a person "slipping in a bathroom" and it happened. Most unfortunate, but it did. He is a nice character and all that sort of thing, but you still do not want to get into this discussion with him when he just had it in his toe. We chat till 2/3 AM his time, today he closed it out at 12:00 midnight.

There you see, you can correlate things that happen in PGW books to your everyday life if you have the, what I call "Woosterian Attitude". And why can I correlate things here in our lives to PGW? Because the characters around me are all genial and good tempered, friends of all the world. In these days when everybody hates everybody else (including self), anyone who is not snarling at something - or at everything - is an anachronism. Any character around me is never - "Angry Yound Man". He would get a little cross, but his normal outlook on life is sunny. He is humble, kindly soul, who knows he is silly at times, but hopes you would not mind. He likes everybody and most people like him. You can not help being fond of such characters. This little piece of composition not mine? Of course not. Some of it inspired from the great man himself. I am not dedicating this blog to him. Why? Like matrimonial ads - which we are looking for Rajesh - say about most of things (like hobbies/interest) - "Will tell you later". When will you tell me? After Rajesh has made the mistake of marrying somebody who watches "Saans bhi kabhi bahun thee" repeat telecast?

I dedicate this blog to my wife Roshni, who pushed me down a cliff one day by telling me to read a PGW. You see, till that point of time I had not read anything more than Tintins and Asterixes of the world. And I liked the Obelixes, Asterixes, Cuthberts, and the Brutus's of the world. On similar confusion came along in my life Bertram Wooster. This time not with brilliant sketches and cartoonistic skills, but with mightier pen. Thats why they say pen is mightier than the sword that sharpens the pencil for the cartoonist (except for the new-yorker).

Coming back to Roshni, I saw her point. Thanks honey. She tells me that some of her friends were doing research on PGW. You see, I am engineer by profession and thought process and attitude and life style and interests and dreams and all that sort of things. My heart as you know does bleed for people who have to do research, it bleeds even more for people who have to do it in PGW. It bleeds because, I imagine you are under pressure to finish off your thesis and what not. If I were to do this, I would not enjoy reading the books. I would be searching the web for already done research work and "re-using" it for my thesis. Engineer you see, and will loose interest in reading it. All the best to her friends who took this bold step to do it. I dont say it would have been made me into a dis-gruntled kind of man, but I would be far-far away from being a gruntled man. There I go again.

Some of the quotes from the man himself:

"Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well."

"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when." "

"He had the look of a frustrated tiger whose personal physician had recommended a strict vegetarian diet"

"I don't owe a penny to a single soul--not counting tradesmen, of course."

"My Aunt Dahlia has a carrying voice... If all other sources of income failed, she could make a good living calling the cattle home across the Sands of Dee. "

"Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?"."

And one regular one from my wife - 'Honey will you stop reading that PGW and help me with these vegetables?"

Toodle-oo then. Rajesh, I mentioned it. One can not make an omlette without breaking the eggs you see.